You didnt love her. You just didnt want o be alone. Or maybe, maybe she was just food for your ego. Or, or maybe she made you feel better about your miserable life, but you didnt love her. Because you dont destroy people you love.
I want you to promise me something. If you love someone, you tell 'em. Even if you're scared that it's not the right thing, even if you're scared that it'll cause problems, even if you're scared that it will burn your life to the ground.